


Skin Stained Violet

by RavenOfTheMoore



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Broken Eridan, Bullying, Depression, EriSol - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mockery, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Swearing, depressed eridan, everyone has a potty mouth as usual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:45:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenOfTheMoore/pseuds/RavenOfTheMoore
Summary: Everyone loves to shit on Eridan, but they have no idea how badly it's affecting him. Eridan's honestly not sure how much more he can take.





	1. Breaking point

You shiver, but it's not from the cold. As a sea dweller you have an altogether lower body temperature, so the cold walls of the meteor don't really bother you. You shiver because you are scared.

The smooth stone presses against your back as you slide down it, breath tripping through your lips. Nobody wants you. You know that now. You'd always known that you had little luck in your quadrants; even you could see that. But now you know that no one even wants to be near you. And you're scared. Scared of what this newfound information might do to you.

Previously you had had something to cling to, something that would stop you from cutting that little bit deeper. The thought that someone out there cared. Thinking that even when you had lost all hope, someone on this gogforsaken meteor would care if you were gone. But now you're not so sure. Doubt creeps across your mind as you remember the looks in their eyes as you left. The unified hate that surrounded your every move, every breath. And suddenly you have no more reasons. You're clinging to the hope that you're wrong, that somebody /does/ care. But that hope is quickly running out.

You lift yourself from the floor, your unstable footing threatening to send you back down. You take a deep breath and make your way over to your mirror. Only when you gaze blankly into the reflective surface do you notice the streaks running down your face. You hastily wipe them away.

 

* * *

 

The next morning (not that time is relevant on the meteor, it's always dark) you rise slowly, trying to ease the amount of pain spread across your chest. You plod gingerly over to the mirror to examine your fresher marks. A thicker cut across your side seems to have bled in the night, causing a trail of deep violet to streak across your stomach. You curse under your breath, carefully trying to wipe it off, but giving up when it becomes obvious that your skin is stained with the stuff. You sigh deeply, an action that causes you to wince in pain. Despite all this you pull on your usual long sleeve t-shirt and pants, and carefully wrap yourself in your scarf and cape. You slip on your shoes and stand facing the door to your respite block, straightening your posture before stepping out. You can feel one of your many wounds reopen at the movement, and pray the blood won't show on your top as you feel it seep into the fabric. However, you don't stop once, striding into the 'kitchen' without so much as a wince.

One of the Striders is already there, the one with the pointy shades. You think his name's Dirk. He appears to be making what the humans call "coffee". Terezi is lounging on one of the sofas in the joined living quarters, and Feferi sits across from her, her head resting on Sol's shoulder. You quickly look away and head for the refrigeration unit, hoping not to be noticed. It's no use.

"hey fiithdick, there'th nothiing iin there for you"

You brace yourself, waiting for the punchline that's sure to come.

"ii thiink you'll fiind the food to the riight more two your taste"

You glance to the right.

There's a rubbish bin.

You huff.

"oh ii'm thorry your majethty, iis that not good enough for you? ii'm thure ii can find you thomething more appetithing printheth, let me juth check the bottom of my thoe."

You feel your face colour as Terezi snickers. Your knuckles are pale from clutching the refridgerator door. It takes all that you have to force yourself to loosen your grip.

As you try to scour the food in front of you, the other Strider walks in, his hair slightly mussed up on one side. You reckon he's just woken up. You catch his eye and his face wrinkles up slightly - an expression you've come to realise is disgust - as he turns to Dirk.

"Dude can I get in on some of that coffee? I think I'm still asleep, I seem to be having a nightmare where I walk into the kitchen and there's a pompous asshole raiding the fridge."

You try taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself, but the action sends a sudden stabbing sensation shooting through your side, causing you to quietly hiss out in pain. Dirk's eyes are instantly on you, and see his gaze flick down to your side, where your shirt is starting to take on a purple tinge as it's plastered to your side in blood. You think you see him frown - you might have just imagined it - as he opens his mouth.

"Are you-"

Of course Vriska chooses that moment to enter the room.

"Did something die in here or is that just Eridan I smell?"

You flee, pushing past Vriska as Feferi's giggles chase you down the hall, barely making it to your respite block before the tears start to fall.

 

* * *

 

It's been three days since the event in the kitchen and you haven't left your respite block once. Although the worse of your cuts have healed enough to stop bleeding, new ones make sure to trail purple down your ashen skin. You are weak with hunger, having exhausted the small supply of food within your respite block. As much as you'd like to continue to hide away, you are painfully aware that you are going to need to get more food.

Which means leaving the safety of your respite block. Which means having to face more insults.

You drag yourself from the floor where you were lying. Every inch of you burns as you try to regain some balance and make your way over to your cape. The only reason you wear it now is to hide the bloodstains on the back of your shirts.

 

* * *

 

It's awfully quiet as you make your way down the corridor. You have no idea what time it is (the humans decided to create a time construct a while ago, which is kept by Dave) and it occurs to you that you've probably only slept about two hours since you last left your respite block. You are quickly aware as you pass a particularly reflective pipe that you look as though you haven't slept for days. Somehow you can't bring yourself to care. Your only hope is that everyone else is currently asleep and that you can make this trip in peace.

Of course, hoping never did get you anywhere. You walk into the kitchen to find the majority of the inhabitants of the meteor.

Well, fuck.

You're pretty sure the only people missing are Nepeta and Equius, Kanaya, Rose, and Gamzee, who is lurking somewhere in the vents. All thoughts of a peaceful trip leave your mind to be replaced by another singular thought; You hope you can leave here in one piece. Only the thought of food keeps you moving forward, further into the room. You think everyone was playing a game of some sort. Not that it matters now, because as soon as you walk in everyone turns their attention to you. You shuffle further into the kitchen.

Suddenly the silence is broken.

"Who the hell invited him here?"

It hardly surprises you that Vriska is the first to speak.

"1t w4snt m3!" Terezi interjects.

You cough lightly, muttering something about getting food. Dave is quick to respond.

"nobody wants you here fishface so you better hurry it up"

You frown slightly, sparing him a glance. His stoic face stares back.

"LOOK, ARE YOU GOING TO BE LONG? IM TRYING TO BEAT CAPTOR AND YOUR FUCKING UGLY FACE IS DISTRACTING ME"

You spin round.

You can't take this anymore.

"...Excuse me?"

"I SAID FUCK OFF, YOUR UNWANTED PRESENCE IS DISTRACTING ME"

That makes you tense, your earfins flaring up slightly.

"Howw dare you speak to me like that, you fuckin lowwblood!"

It hurts to have Karkat say that to you. He was your friend once.

"he'th only thaying that no one wantth you, that'th nothiing new. you'll get over iit." Sollux rolls his eyes as the words pass through his lips.

Your mind freezes. You'll get over it?

"I'll...?"

The anger washes over you in a sudden, unexpected wave, gripping at your heart as it burns through your lungs.

"I'LL GET OVVER IT?!" you yell, tearing off your cape and scarf.

"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE SOMEFIN I'LL GET OVVER?!"

Your shirt joins the previously removed clothing on the floor, revealing your battered body. You're quaking now, both from anger and fear, as the gravity of what you've just done seeps into your mind. Everyone can see them. Every scratch, every bruise, every cut. It's all laid out for the world to see and you can't take it back.

You've never felt so exposed.

Sollux just stares at you, wide eyes roaming your torso and coming to rest on the thin scars on your neck. You can feel everyone else's eyes on you too. Your heart feels like it's being wrung out by fear as you try to decide whether or not to run.

"...why?" he finally asks. You don't think he even realises he's uttered it out loud. You answer him anyway.

"i can't deal wwith it! i can't fuckin' deal wwith the nevver endin' shit that is dealt my wway an' all i evver get is hate an' it just nevver stops and i can't-"

You feel the tears streaming down your face now, and your knees shake with the effort of standing up. You sink to the floor, bringing your hands up to your face as you sob. You don't even care anymore. Your dignity is out the window and you look weak and you don't even care. Because you are weak, and it makes no difference if anyone sees that now. You have nothing else to lose.

You feel more than see someone join your side. Their arms snake gentle around your body, attempting to avoid all the marks. It hurts anyway.

"ii'm tho thorry" is all you hear, but your thinkpan can't make the words make sense. You're so far gone that you can't even feel the rough ground digging into your knees.

You sob until the tears run out and your eyes sting. Then, from both fatigue and pain, you pass out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed. I know that there is no reason for Dirk to be on the meteor, but I needed him there for plots sake. Chapter two is in the works, taking my time with it so it doesn't turn out horrible (hopefully). Leave reviews and such if you like. I'm not going to demand them off you.


	2. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Eridan's breakdown, Sollux must take responsibility for both his actions and his emotions.

Pain. That’s the first thing that your mind registers before attempting to curl back into the empty comfort of sleep. Not that that’s ever worked for you. Drifting images of previous events fill your thinkpan. Maybe it was all a dream? Surely you weren’t stupid enough to flaunt your broken body to the world, right? You’re not that damaged. You slowly crack open your eyes and groan at what you see. Apparently, you are.

Stark white bandages criss-cross their way across your torso, eradicating any possibility of you having dreamt everything. There’s no way you did that for yourself.

The second hope shattering proof is the unfamiliarity of the room you’re in, coupled with the human sleeping structure you’re lying on. You try to focus your heavy mind on what it’s called. A beb? No, bed. You’re pretty sure it’s called a bed.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by the sound of distant yelling. Well shit. It takes only a moment for the flight instinct to kick in. Maybe you can still sneak out and avoid all this mess. Just run through the deep winding corridors and escape what you know is coming.

You slowly sit up and slide your feet onto the cold stone floor, before raising to a standing position and taking a tentative step. It’s in that movement that your body fails you, your legs giving out and sending you toppling to the concrete floor. You think you cry out before the stone crashes into your wrecked body, leaving you a gasping and breathless mess. Tears of pain squeeze themselves from your clenched eyes.

You hear running and the door is flung open, indicating that the yelling must have been closer than you had originally thought. Sollux quickly comes in to view, a dishevelled Karkat close behind. You’re pretty sure that Sollux is talking, but all you can hear is a constant ringing in your ears. You close your eyes again, hoping everything else will fade away too.

 

_Sollux’s POV_

You’re still in shock at everything that’s happened. Tending to Eridan’s wounds only gave you a closer look at how bad they really were. You feel sick to your stomach. How could you have let this happen?

Karkat continues his rant, drumming away at the ache that’s spreading its way across your thinkpan. “Oh my gog KK thut the fuck up” you mutter, gingerly massaging your temple. “NO I WILL NOT ‘THUT THE FUCK UP’. HOW COULD YOU LET HIM DO THIS TO HIMSELF YOU DUMBASS!”

“ii don’t know!” you shout back, doing your best to ignore the dull thudding of your head. “ii diidn’t know any of thiith wath happening, that he wath liike thiith! how could ii have?!”

He looks back at you in clear disbelief. “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. IS YOUR HEAD REALLY SO FAR UP YOUR FUCKING ASS THAT YOU DID NOT AT ANY POINT MANAGE TO COME TO THE VERY SIMPLE REALISATION THAT YOU HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR AMPORA? HAVE YOU NOT ONCE IN THIS WHOLE SHITTY JOURNEY THROUGH SHITTY SPACE HAD A SHITTY REVELATION OF EMOTIONS SO BLINDLY OBVIOUS THAT EVEN FUCKING TEREZI CAN SEE THEM? AND TO THINK THAT ONLY THIS MORNING I WAS SOBBING OVER _TROLL 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU_ WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN CRYING OVER YOUR DISASTER OF A LOVE STORY-“

His rant continues but you’re no longer listening. As soon as he said those words, everything in your thinkpan just clicked. You’re flushed for ED. It’s embarrassing how clearly it had to be spelt out to you. You’re just about to cut Karkat off from his rambling about romcoms when you hear a yell…followed by a muffled thump.

Panic rips through your body. ED! You rush to the door to his room and fling it open, not knowing or caring if Karkat is still behind you.

Eridan is sprawled out on the ground, fresh violet blood decorating his right arm and one of the bandages around his chest. You quickly rush to his side. “ED are you ok? What happened? Diid you fall? ED?” Eridan doesn’t respond, merely shutting his eyes with a look that you’ve never seen him wear before. Your heart aches at the sight.

Karkat helps you get him back onto the bed, both careful not to touch the bandages. Eridan doesn’t make a single sound as you gingerly lay him on the mattress, his eyes still closed against you. “ED? ED pleathe…” Eridan finally flutters his eyes open, though his face twists into an expression that makes you feel as if you’ve been stabbed. “ED how can ii help? Do you want anything? A drink? Food?” you practically plead.

“Leavve me alone Sol…”

His response hurts you more than you’re prepared to admit, though you make sure not to show it. Thankfully, Karkat quickly jumps in. “WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOU’RE BACK TO YOUR HEALTHY STUCK-UP SELF. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I’M LEAVING YOU ALONE IN THIS GOGFORSAKEN ROOM UNTIL I’M SURE THAT YOU’RE NOT GOING TO SPRINT OFF INTO THE DARK SHITTY CORNERS OF THE METEOR LIKE GAMZEE AND HIS FUCKING HORNS. YOU’RE STAYING HERE UNTIL I SEE THAT YOU’RE BACK TO THE SNOBBY FISHDICK YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN” You inwardly cringe a little at the last bit, but Eridan doesn’t seem to care. In fact, Eridan doesn’t like he took in anything that Karkat just said. His eyes stare blankly at the wall like buttons.

“…I guess I’m nevver leavvin then” he mutters. Something in you squeezes painfully as tears gather in his eyes. Karkat just looks stunned. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so speechless. “Thurely thereth thomething we can do?” you try, mainly as an attempt to fill both the aching silence and space in your chest. Eridan’s voice is quiet when he responds. “You’vve all made it vvery clear that you wwant nothin to do wwith me”

“Thatth not true! you know thatth not true…”

“Do I Sol?”

One look at him and you know he doesn’t. His eyes continue to stare at the wall, violet tears trailing down his face. You sigh. “ED. ED pleathe, look at me” He slowly turns his head to meet your eyes. The pain in his is almost more than you can bare. “ii’m thorry. ii’ve been really thitty two you and ii’m tho thorry, nothiing ii thay or do can ever make that better. ii really do care about you and ii’ll never forgiive mythelf for beiing two fuckiing bliind two thee how we were affectiing you” You take a deep breath. “ii… ii underthand iif you never want two thpeak to me again” Karkat gapes at you. “but pleathe, let uth help you. Let me help you”

You hesitate briefly, before very lightly sliding your arms around his body and pulling him into the gentlest hug you can manage. Eridan remains silent. You’re just starting to question whether you’ve made a huge mistake when a small sob erupts from his throat. He grabs at your shirt as he cries, ugly sobbing wracking his body. You tentatively bring a hand up to his hair and start to run your thin fingers through the soft waves. Eridan seems to calm slightly at your touch, causing a small smile to grace your lips. You glance up at Karkat, only to find him gone. You don’t have any clue when he left, you never heard him leave the room.

 

* * *

 

It feels like you've been here hours. Eridan’s narrow fingers still grip at your shirt like his life depends on it. Though, judging by what you’ve come to know in the last 24 hours, maybe it does. That thought scares you a little, so you try to find something else to occupy your thinkpan. It takes you a moment to realise that you’re humming.

 

_Eridan’s POV_

You never knew you could cry so much. Your eyes are swollen and your throat is sore, but Sollux’s arms around you is the warmest feeling you’ve felt in a long time. He starts to hum, and you can feel the sound vibrating through him and into your very core. It makes you feel a little less empty. “…wwhat are you hummin?” Your voice sounds foreign to you, cracked and gravelly. You instantly miss the feeling of his when he stops humming to answer you. “ii’m not thure, ii think my luthuth uthed two thiing iit two me when ii couldn’t thleep. When he wathn’t being an idiot that ith.”

You hum in response, noting how hollow the sound seems coming from you. The room falls silent again, Sollux idly playing with the loose curls of your hair. It’s long since fallen out of its usual slicked back state, most likely tussled messily. You feel a slight twinge of irritation at the thought, but for the most part you can’t really bring yourself to care. So what if it reflects your mental state? Out of everything, you doubt anyone is judging you on your looks right now.

Sollux rests his head on yours and a small wave of comfort floods through you.

 

_Sollux’s POV_

Eridan’s hair in surprisingly soft. You rest your face on his head and smile as he lets out a small sigh. You don’t think he even realises he has. You can’t help but shift your face a little and place a small kiss on his head. There’s a pause where you wonder whether he noticed. “Sol?” he finally utters. You take a deep breath. “Yeah?”

“wwhy are you still here?”

“Becauthe ii don’t want to leave you here two thuffer by yourthelf.”

“But wwhy not?”

That gives you pause. Is now an appropriate time to reveal your feelings? You’ve only just realised them yourself, should you really be telling him now? You should have asked Karkat about this before he disappeared. You usually default to being a sarcastic asshole whenever there’s talk of feelings, but you know that wouldn’t be appropriate here. Especially as you actually do have feelings for ED. Fuck, you wish KK was here.

“Because ii care about you.” It’s a cop-out answer, you know. But you really have no idea what else to say. ED is quiet for a long time. “I used to think Fef cared about me. Turns out I wwas wwrong… she seems to care an awwful lot about you though.” You feel like his words should be bitter, accusing you of stealing Feferi from him. Instead, he just sounds sad, resigned. You would prefer it if he was angry. “But ii really do care!” The words sound pathetic to your own ears. This isn’t working, damn your inability to articulate feelings! Appropriateness be damned, you’re going to tell him. You have to make him understand. “ii like you ED. ii’m… ii’m fluthed for you. That’th why ii’m thtill here, that’th why ii feel tho bad about treating you tho terribly. Not that the otherth thouldn’t feel bad, we’re all rethponthible for driving you to thith thtate. ii jutht… I thould have know better.”

You take a deep breath and look down at him. Eridan is staring at you wide-eyed, a look of complete and utter disbelief on his face. His brow furrows a little and suddenly that look is infused with one of distrust, like this is all part of some sick joke. You’re disgusted at yourself that that is something he believes you could do to him. Even more so at the thought that others probably have. He says nothing more, eventually turning to stare elsewhere again.

 

_Eridan’s POV_

Your insides are a mess. Feelings you haven’t felt in what seems like forever are suddenly overwhelming you, causing turmoil within you. For the most part you’re shocked. You never expected this, never thought anyone could feel flushed for you, least of all Sollux. Then there’s the distrust; you’ve been let down before. He could be having you on, secretly laughing at you. But there’s an awful lot of hope. Hope is the most dangerous, hope has got you hurt before. But you can’t stop it, it’s filling you up until you feel like you might cripple under the pressure. It’s then that you realise your fingers are trembling, unable to lie still among the tirade of emotions that are wreaking havoc upon you.

Fuck Sollux for being able to do this to you. Fuck yourself for being in such a weak state to hope so strongly that he’s telling you the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I wanted this chapter to have the same feel and writing style as the first one, so I really didn't want to rush it. Let me know what you think, good or bad. Chapter 3 will be coming, but again, it could take a while. But don't worry! I won't abandon this until it's done. No matter how long the next chapter takes, believe me when I say it is being written. And if I ever did for any reason abandon this (which I won't), I would let you know. Unless I die or something of course.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and that this was worth the wait!


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